5 Guilts that parents should avoid
Today, show me parents who are not interested in providing their kids ‘enough’ for their full growth. There would be hardly any number. Every parent wants to provide the best possible to their kids. But when I ask these concerned parents if they are completely satisfied with what they are providing to their kids, I get following typical answers. These I call the 5 major guilts that parents should avoid for the growth of their kids and of their own.
FIRST
I try my best to give everything to my child because I don’t want my child to face what I faced.
SECOND
I want to give the best of the world because I have struggled a lot to reach where I am and I don’t want to see my child struggling the same way.
THIRD
I have been lucky to get lots of love from my parents and grandparents. Now we stay in a nuclear family. Since I can’t recreate that environment, I try to spend lot of time with kid. (Time spending is driven by the guilt of not able to provide that environment.)
FOURTH
We both work…. my child stays alone for entire day. I feel bad and sometimes feel that I should quit my job…but I can’t. So…
FIFTH
Since I cannot spend time with my kid, I make it up by providing him with the best of the world.
If you see, the common feeling in all the above responses is of ‘Guilt’. This triggers lot of irrational actions, either in terms of pampering or expecting too much from them. And most of the times we are so much tangled in our own emotions that we don’t see this happening.
Parents, please wake up! If you are not satisfied with yourself or with current situation, please try to change that. But don’t try to build your reasoning of love for your kid on these feelings of guilt. You are unknowingly hampering yourself and your child’s inner growth.
Kids can feel this guilt in you even if it is not expressed. This affects the way they think and behave. Indirectly, kids learn what would not be the right way to deal with their guilt. As a result, they not only start expecting too much from themselves but also from others. And sometimes, if their demands are not met they become anxious, irritated, and in extreme cases, violent. This conditioning at times gives rise to superiority or inferiority complexes in the child. Therefore parents, please heal your guilt by keeping it in perspective for your sake and for your kids’.